Do or Do Not, There is no Try.

–Yoda

What Have I Gotten Myself Into??

I have signed up for a sports/physical challenge event this coming Saturday called the Fitathlon Challenge. This isn’t like “other” 5k obstacle courses like Tough Mudder or Run For your Lives or Warrior Dash. There is no barbed wire, no mud, no bleeding, no flames. It’s just you and your fitness level. I signed up for the “challenger” level which is, apparently, one level below hardcore insanity.

In case you’re curious, here’s the course outline for Saturday (below is copied from the e-mail I got from the Fitathlon folks, hopefully they don’t have a problem with me re-publishing it… should be public knowledge by now):

  1. Calisthenics – Squats, pushups, crunches & burpees (I have to do 40 of each)
  2. Lunge lap – The distance varies by level. Guaranteed to make your legs burn. Take a rest if needed but you can only lunge – no walking. Competitors you’re going over a ¼ mile with your hands behind your head.
  3. Long run – Not to long, only ¾ -1 mile of road running. Your legs will be so tired it’ll feel like the last mile of the ½ marathon.
  4. Transverse Wall – Not your typical wall. We gotta see you move in different planes. Hope you’ve tried rock climbing. Climb from one side to the other. The wall is angled not straight. Competitors if you fall off you must go back to the beginning.
  5. Tire Flip – 200lb+ tires. You have to flip it 4-10 times depending on your level. The tires are different sizes but pretty much weigh the same amount. You can do it solo or with help. It doesn’t matter unless you’re a competitor. Competitors must flip the tires solo.
  6. Balance Beams – 4 inches wide and 8 feet long, simple except you have to carry a slosh pipe overhead. And you have to do it again and again and again. And then turn around and come back! Can you say core and balance? BTW your shoulders will be on FIRE. Competitors must keep the pipe up the entire time.
  7. Wheel Barrel Push – It sorta looks like a wheel barrel. It’s our version. Push it through grass for the designated distance and turn around and come back.
  8. Trail Run- I guess you can call it a trail. You make your own way until you find the paved path. It’s maybe a ¼ mile but…. You have to take your 25lb ruck sack with you. I hope you’ve been training with a weight vest!
  9. Speed and Agility Run – Tires, tires, tires. Add some cones, hurdles, hay and ladders. Let’s see how mobile and agile you are.
  10. Monkey Bars – Yup, time for some upper body work. Do your best. It’s probably been a while. Competitors must go all the way through without falling.
  11. Walls – The short ones – 5 feet. There will be help for everyone but the competitors. Everyone has 4 to climb.
  12. Chain Pull – 30lbs, 100 yards. You must pull it while backpedaling. Your hams and glutes will be on fire.
  13. Tunnels – 24 inches, 18 inches, and even 12 inches! Get in there. You might get a little dirty on this one. After crawling through you have to get up run/walk over a hurdle and do it again and again and again.
  14. Ropes – 40ft, 2inches. Slam it as hard and as fast as you can for the allotted time. Competitors if you bonk you get a 15 or 30 sec. penalty.
  15. Cargo Net – Balance, core and upper body strength will be on display in this obstacle. It’s a simple 8 foot climb across the net. Again and again. With some jumping in between.
  16. Wall Climb – Big walls. 8 ft high. No worries you have rope to help you. You gotta do it twice.
  17. Over/Unders – 100 yards of leaping and ducking. Over 2 foot hurdles, Under 3 foot hurdles. 48 hurdles in all!
  18. Farmers Walk – 100-300 yards of an unbalanced walk. Ladies 25lbs., Men 45lbs. Bound to fire up your core.

To be honest, I think the only one that I am in danger of failing in a horribly embarrassing fashion are the monkey bars. I have never been good at them and my worst “ability” in the gym is pull-ups.

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